TOO PROUD TO SAY I MISS YOU!

Is it lonely out there, I wonder?

I have heard tis not, but how would I know?

Do you worry about him too? I do.

Tis not the same without you for him, you know.

He was just a child when you left.

T 'was too soon, too rushed,

There was no handbook, no chapters

On how to carry on.

We scraped and scrambled on

Chancing upon life's many lessons as we go

Two decades and you still haunt my dreams

I sometimes see you in the mirror and gasp

I protest when they tell me I am like you

All the while, rolling my eyes, just like you'd do

Beneath the many layers of who I am today

Is still a little girl waiting for your approval

Have I finally done you proud?

While that seems unlikely, I go back to ask.

Is it lonely out there I wonder.

Or is our melancholy keeping you warm? 

Note: Beyond all the hurt and the unresolved emotions, I struggle to forget my mom who passed more than two decades ago. Although I do not let my emotions show often, sometimes they escape in the form of words.

 Insomnia

Tis in the darkness of the night,

On the tear-stained pillow,

I carefully let out those furtive fears.

That lay well hidden form your sight.

My morning face hides well

the pain that my bedsheets read aloud.

I have buried many a todays in sorrow,

in fright of what I may loose tomorrow.

How'd I fare in your eyes I dread

if the sagacious mirage of mine I shed.

So I fight all the battles in my head,

until the moonlit night and my perspicacity,

                                         Both play dead!

Note : A conversation with a young friend who was battling many insecurities, reminded me of mine when I was her age and predicament. That's what prompted this poem.